Tis The Season...

So it's Christmas again, seems to me it should be a happy time of year but instead all I see are very unhappy people. I go to the store and no one smiles, say's excuse me, or is even polite anymore. It's like they only care about one thing.

Getting those presents for those people they really don't even care for. Going broke and wracking up a ton of debt just to get what they think is the best present for someone. I guess you could say that I hate Christmas but in all reality I love Christmas. I hate how Christmas changes people. It makes them like monsters right up till Christmas morning.

What ever happened to the season of good will toward men and all that jazz? What ever happened to being happy with just being with your family? Why all the stress?

I do understand if your a parent. As parents we want what is best for your children and if your like me you have mommy guilt for not being able to give your kids everything they ever wanted. This year we were really stressed about how our Christmas was going to turn out. We had no money for gifts for the kids or even a Christmas tree.

The stress was so heavy on our minds we, in a sense turned in to the kind of people I talked about but for a totally different reason. I just wanted for my children what every other child was going to get on Christmas morning. A hoard of presents waiting under a wonderfully decorated Christmas tree. The sent of pine in the air and wrapping paper all over the house. 

It dawned on me that everything about Christmas is about money, presents, the feast and even sitting on santa's lap. I mean when I was little you could go to the store and sit on santas lap for free. Your mom could take a picture and not get in trouble. Now to even get close to the big guy in red you have to pay then you have to pay for a photo. Nothing is free anymore. Why is that? Why are all these kids getting left behind cause their parents don't have means to pay for all the goodies?

To me that just sounds wrong so I will leave you with this, when your off at the store in the hustle and bustle stop and think about those that are less fortunate than you. Maybe throw a few extra toys or boxes of food in that cart and go donate it cause not everyone is gonna be as fortunate as you on Christmas morning. Be polite to your fellow shoppers and use your manners.

Our Big Move

Well folks, this Cali girl is moving on up, yep she is moving on up to Oregon!!!! 

I am a bit nervous but on Friday, September 16th we are gonna be in our apartment in Salem, Oregon. I am excited. I was born and raised in California. It's gonna be a big change for me but I think it will be a good one.

So far it has been hectic, tomorrow we are getting the moving truck and will start to load our stuff up. We have already packed the downstairs bathroom and part of the kitchen. We are doing a bunch of down sizing so that we are sure to make everything fit in our new place.

We went today and picked up the immunization records for the kids and got a certified copy of Mila's birth certificate so that we have one for each of us. I have gotten all my meds (still need to get the one's I need to pay out of pocket) and asked about Dr's up in Salem and how to get our records sent up when we finally get a Dr.

I think that this move will be good for us, we will be about 60 miles from the coast and the kids love the ocean so that is gonna be great. I love the snow and the cooler weather so that is good for me and Tyler loves that there are jobs up there for what he does. I love that it's a crunchy town and my tattooed, pierced and dready self will fit in there. 

I just can't wait, I can't believe we are leaving California though, I never thought I would leave here. I thought for sure I would be here forever but the heat has gotten to me so bad and with not being able to get jobs here we feel it is time to move on. 

So wish us luck in our venture and I will be sure to post an update when we get there and add some pictures of our journey and new place.

Learning To Make Dresses

So Mila's first Birthday is on the 7th and I needed something to get her. We are low on cash and trying to be the crafty mama I am I figured we could use a doll that was in the shed and give her some  new clothes. I was looking around online for an easy cheap doll dress when I came across this tutorial on how to make a bandanna dress.

Our Walmart has bandanna's for $1.00 so I figured why not, I can at least give it a try so I decided to make matching outfits for my daughter and her new baby doll. I spent $3.00 on the bandanna's and got some ribbon in the clearance section for $1.00. I started with my daughter's dress and all in all it took me about 20 minutes or so to finish. The doll dress was a little longer cause I had to cut the bandanna's down a bit because, let's face it, dolly's are not as wide as little girls LOL

So for a total of $3.20 or so with the ribbon that was used I have a brand new Birthday Dress and a little dress for my daughter's first dolly. I do have to say I am happy and that hopefully she loves her dolly as much as I use to love my dolly's. I will be sure to post some pictures of her in her dress on her birthday and some of her playing with her dolly.

This Crunchy Mama Is Going Dready

Yep, that be me...my hair that is. I have decided to do what I have wanted to do since I was 13 years old. I have decided to dread my hair. This has been something I have always wanted to do but in all reality I had no clue how to do it. I looked around the stores and even asked in salons but back then no one really had any advice.

I then met my ex and he was like "Oh hell no, those are dirty and nasty and your not doing that". Well now I can do what I want so I am going for it. I have met with some resistance though but I figured I would. I can not even begin to tell you how many people have told me they smell, they are dirty and you can't clean them. Well ya they may smell on some but if your taking care of your hair like a normal person and doing what you need then there should be no smell other than clean hair. They are not dirty cause let's face it, dirty hair does not dread well. It needs to be free of oils so that it can tighten up. 

I am using the Natural/Neglect method but neglect is not really the right word cause I am making sure they are doing what they need to be doing. I wash my hair about 4 times a week with a Baking Soda mixture then rinse it with Apple Cider Vinegar and it leaves it squeaky clean and smelling wonderful. I also have to make sure that any big matting is dealt with. You have to rip the mat's up in to the size of dread's you want so you don't get one huge mat in your hair.

I have so far ripped about 6 dreads under the back of my hair and I have placed wooden beads to keep them from joining together again. I have to say that I love how my hair looks right now, all wild and unkempt. It's a mess but I know it's a clean and orderly mess so it makes me happier. I can't wait to be able to update you that I have dreads locking up and getting tighter, I can't wait to be able to see some real progress.

Some New Projects

So as I posted about my clothes pin bag before I have some pictures for you all on what I did to remedy the problem, I made my own out of an old hand me down dress that was given to us for Mila. I would have never put it on her and was saving it for her to use for her dolly's when she get's older so I figured I may as well try my hand at the pattern I found on line.

I turned the dress inside out and sewed up the arm holes, I sewed up the bottom of the dress and I sewed a straight line in the back of the bib that goes around the neck of the dress. I also sewed the back of the dress together at the first button hole so that it stays permanently shut. Before I did this I put the hanger in cause it would not have fit after I sewed it up. I also just used an old dress hanger from one of Mila's dresses so that was free also. All in all this project took about 10 min's from start to finish and cost me nothing at all to make.

The front, you can see how I stuffed the cuffs of the arms in and sewed it and then the same with the ruffle on the bottom.

This is the back, you can see the stitch that I made on the bib around the neck and how the row of buttons being open on the back make a perfect pocket for you hand to reach in and grab out pins when you need.

I also made a Katrina Diaper Cover Soaker tonight, I was super surprised at how easy it was to make, here is the site for the pattern and the instructions if your interested in make it.

http://katrinassqs.blogspot.com/2007/10/free-soaker-pattern.html

 I don't sew, I have a machine and I can sew a straight line but I have never followed a pattern before and this was surprisingly easy. It was done up in about a half hour and I found the most time consuming part was cutting out the pattern, pinning it on the fabric and cutting the pieces out. 

I used some old fleece blankets that I had laying around that we were not using anymore. I think this one turned out good. It was easy to sew up and the instructions were really easy to follow. I will be making more of these in the next few days.

This is the front, I also added two extra layers for the wet zone so you can see the stitching there. I know the lines are not so perfect but I really don't mind, it's not like I am selling these or anything.

This is the back, I think that I may have messed up on the right leg cause for some reason it's got a pucker there. I am not sure what I did but it could have been easily messed up cause those legs were not to easy to sew on. Like I said I am new to this and I kept stabbing myself with the pins.

Never Thought It Would Be So Hard

To find a dang cloths pin bag. We have been everywhere looking for one but not one store in our town has one. So far I have tried Walmart, Target, Lowes, Homedepot, Bed Bath and Beyond, Pier One and Wallgreens. Sooo I am pretty sure we are not going to be finding one in our town. 

So do people not hang clothes out to dry anymore? Why not? I mean for us it saves us money, keeps our house cool in the summer cause the dryer is not going as much and it suns our diapers to keep the stains down and the bacteria out.

I have taken to hanging our clothes and all stuff out there to dry. I even bought more line to make more of my ghetto clothes line I had posted about before. I now have 5 lines strung all the way across and a half line strung between that I normally use for undies or diaper covers.

I do have to say that I hate hanging the clothes out on the line cause here in California it get's pretty hot out there on the concrete slab we have and there is no shade. I try to get out there either late at night or early morning but today I did get stuck out there at about noon time and it was hot.

So after much searching I found a pattern online to make my own clothes pin bag and I may try it. You use an old childs dress or button up shirt. You sew the bottom shut and then use a child's clothes hanger to use for the hanger. I know I have something hanging around here I could use so tomorrow the search will be on. 

I just hope I can find something cause I really am getting sick of bending over and trying to get pins when I am holding the clothes in place. It would be great to have the pins right at hand level so that I can get my job done faster so I can get back in the nice cool house.

I will try to get some pictures if I do succeed at my cloths pin bag and post the pattern also so that if any of you all are having issues finding your own clothes pin bag then you can stop the search and make your own.

It's Over, I Can't Believe It's Over

Harry Potter is over, how can that be? How can she have done this to us? I know I am a stupid, silly Harry Potter fan but I have watched every single one of these movies and loved every second of it. 

The happiness of hearing my kids remind me that it's coming out soon and I better get to the movie store before it opens just so I can grab a copy. Telling them they were all out only to pull it out of my bag and see the looks of excitement on their faces. Popping the pop corn and drinking soda. Getting all piled on the couch, turning off the lights and watching the movie.

I have watched the last 3 movies alone as the kids are with their dad but it is not really the same. Yes I get all hyped up but there is no pop corn and soda. No cuddles on the couch, just me and sometimes Tyler. He's not a good one to watch them with cause he's not to in to them LOL

I just watched the last movie tonight and I have to say I am sad, sad that in the future regardless of what happens there will be no more pop corn and soda. No more cuddles on the couch and no experiencing the movie for the first time together.

I am also devastated that it is over, Harry Potter is no more and that is sad to me. The movie became such a big part of my life and I am sad to see it end. I watched those kids grow up on the screen and grow as their characters and it's sad to know that it is no more.

I sat here crying as I watched the last movie, it was sad to me. All the death and pain that was emoted out on the screen. All the stuff that came together and fell in to place. It was like the last piece of the jig saw puzzle, everything is now understood and it all makes sense. 

I am sad to see it all go, I wanted it to last forever so that maybe, one day I could experience the pop corn, soda and cuddles from the kids again...

Agggg Migraines

Why me?, that was what I thought the first time I had a migraine. Why the hell me? Why was I chosen to deal with this debilitating pain? Why do I have to suffer? 

It all started for me when I was 7 years old. I was on the play ground and a class mate kicked a red rubber ball and hit me in the ear. The next day I had my first migraine, it lasted a few days. A few day's of throwing up, having the shakes and feeling like my head was splitting in two. It took a long while for my mom to even take me to the Doctors because she just did not go that route with us kids.

By the time she realized that they were pretty bad headache's and that regular pain meds were not going to get rid of them I spend a lot of time in the emergency room. I would cry rolled up in a ball on a waiting room chair waiting for them to do something, anything to make the pain go away. I was given med after med and nothing worked. 

I was finally sent to a primary Doctor that ordered a bunches of tests. Blood draws every week to see if there were any change, MRI's with and with out contrast, CT Scans, X-Rays. Everything came back normal and they could not find anything wrong with me. They all thought I was faking it cause none of the medication's worked to knock it out. 

I spend so much time in my room banging my head against the wall because it dulled the pain for just a bit, that little tap each second took the pain away and it was all I could do to keep me from slamming my head through the wall. I was at the end of my rope. Finally one night I had a really bad one, my mom did the usual, took me to the ER. I was thinking I would go through the same routine, ice pack, quite room and a blood draw but it was different this time.

I was given a nurse that also had migraines, she told me all about her experiences and calmed me down a bit. We told her that nothing worked so far and that the Doctors would not take me seriously. She said she knew just what to give me. She took it also cause she had tried everything too. It was a new drug, a new drug for migraines but it was used for heart patients. It was called Imitrex.

She came back with a shot and with in minutes of taking it the pain was gone, I mean this pain that had been with me for almost 3 years solid was gone. You see my mom smoked in the house around me, she wore heavy perfume around me and this was all triggering it for me. I had lived with this constant pain in my head for so long it had been years since it was gone. 

I started to cry while she sat with me telling me that my chest may start to feel a bit tight and that my head would feel heavy. She asked me if I was ok and I told her they were tears of joy and I hugged her. I hugged the nurse in the hospital room cause everyone else I had seen had treated me like I was lying and she had known just what to do for me.

I am writing about this tonight cause last night I had a migraine and had no meds. I laid here in so much pain and thought back on what it was like before I had the meds to knock out the pain. What it was like to try to do anything with that constant pain in my head. I still can't believe that I saw all those Doctors but it took one Nurse to fix it all for me. I wish I knew her name and had a way to tell her how much she changed my life with one little shot of medicine.

To The Doctors I Go

Well today was a big day for me, I finally decided that I needed to bite the bullet and just go to the Dr's and get some help with my anxiety and panic attacks. This is a big thing for me, I don't want to be dependent on anything and I am a bit embarrassed that it has come this far but really I guess the embarrassing thing would have been to deal with it and let it get the best of me.

I am Bi Polar and I have always had issues with that but I can regulate it and have not had an extreme high or low in years. I tend to know what I need to do to keep it in check and I feel like I am doing a great job with it. I took meds as a teenager to keep me on track but after I got pregnant with Emma I stopped taking them and have been fine since. 

Now I have extreme issues with my Thyroid (whole other blog post) and my Dr seems to think that maybe this is what is causing the panic attacks. Now I have always had these but not as often and not as bad. The last few months they have gotten out of hand for me. I finally got to the point that I asked Tyler to make me a drink cause I could not deal with it anymore and needed a way to relax. That is when I finally admitted that I needed some help and I made the appointment the next day. In no way do I want to be dependent on alcohol because that is not going to fix this.

So today was my appointment, I was a bit worried about talking to my Dr about this but I figured I had to do something. He was really nice and we talked about the best treatment plan for me. I told him about my worries of getting addicted to some kind of pills and he explained the best one's for me to take so that does not happen. He ordered an EKG to be sure that I am not having heart problems and that was clear so he went ahead and prescribed some meds for me. He is starting me off low with Paxil 10mg as a daily med taken once a day and Ativan 0.5mg and that is a rescue med to be taken at the start of an attack.

So far so good, I have taken one Paxil and have felt no side effects. I am a bit worried about the Ativan because the side effects are a bit scary but I think it will be ok. I guess time will tell on if these meds will work and if they don't we can always try something else but I feel like I have taken a step in the write direction. The way I look at it, it can only go up from here.

So It's Back To Cloth For Us

So as broke as we are we have gone back to cloth diapering our little one's. I am a bit overwhelmed but I am ok with it. The whole reason we stopped in the first place was because of the ammonia rashes that just would not go away and the barn yard stink. I love cloth, I love everything about it, it just does not love my baby's bottoms.

I have now pulled everything out of the closet and stripped everything, I made a ghetto clothes line in the back yard (pictured above) and now I am trying to sun any nasty out of them. I think I am going to try a wet pail in the kids room for after I spray them down in the bathroom and I am going to try a new wash routine. 

Normally I do a HOT wash with no soap, a HOT wash with soap and two cold water washes for the rinse. I was also using Liquid Tide and white vinegar. I am now going to try using Purex for soap, a cold wash with no soap, a HOT wash with soap and one cold wash. I don't know if it will work but I can try. I really want this to work because we just can't afford diapers anymore and I really want to start using my cloth again.

So wish us luck in our cloth diapering journey and hopefully it will all work out, if not I am sure you all will hear more about it as time goes on. I may even have questions for you cloth diapering mama's out there.

Money, Money, Money, Money.....Money....

So why can't money grow on trees? It would sure take care of a lot of issues these days. Homelessness, hunger, being able to see a doctor, dentist or a psychologist when you need to, no foreclosure's and no bills being swept under the rug in hopes that they will just go away.  

I hate pay day cause I look at my poor husband, he works his ass off every day. He's up at 3am every morning to be to work at 4am, he get's off at 12pm and goes to bed by 8pm. This is a normal thing for him till he get's to his day's off, Sunday and Monday. He does not get much rest those day's and he has a hard time doing much cause he's wired in to his sleep schedule. He is beat and it shows in his additude and his looks.

Today he got his paycheck, he works for a little over mim wage and his hours have been falling. I watched him rush to find the money just to pay our bills. We paid the balance left on our rent and our phone bill. He had to beg his grandpa for money to pay the car insurance or it would have been cut off. He also had to get an advance just to have the money to pay the rent. We had $40 left over and put $20 in the gas tank and bought $18 worth off grocery's, we have $2 left for the rest of the pay period. We were not able to buy diapers or wipes, soap or toilette paper. Our children and going back in to cloth diapers and we hope that the rashes stay away.

It seems we can never get ahead, when we think we have dug ourselves out of the hole it starts all over again. We don't get any help from the government as they say we make to much but we do get food stamps. With out those, I hate to say we would not eat. I just hate to see this cause next pay day it will be the same but to top it off we will have to pay grandpa back and then pay the advance back. 

I wonder if it will ever get better? I mean it can't be like this forever, right?

Life, Or Something Like It

So every day I stand back and watch my life pass before me. It does not pass slow but fast, much faster than I would like some days. In a few weeks I will be 30 years old. Where the heck has my time gone? I know where, it's gone by the way of laundry, dishes, dirty diapers, runny noses, midnight feedings, school assembles, and sick belly's. I am a mama and that has been my life since I was 15 years old. Half my life I have been a mama and you know what? I am OK with that.

I guess my question is, what have I accomplished in my almost 30 years? Not much if I had to really look back at my life. I have not done much at all, yes I have my kids and I am content with that but what really have I done? I wanted to be a photo journalist and see the world, I wanted to be on the front lines of the war and let my pictures speak for themselves. I wanted so much to show the world what I see when looking through a lens. I wanted so much for the world to see the pain and despair along with the beauty and wonder that is around us every day.

Now I spend my day's doing school work, cleaning the house and tending to the kids. I play cards with my husband before bed and listen to music as I sit and write out blogs hoping that someone out there may like my words and keep reading. It is a far cry from speaking to the world through my lens but it's a start.

We all have our own life to pursue, our own kind of dream to be weaving. And we all have some power to make wishes come true, as long as we keep believing.
- Louisa May Alcott

The Case Of The Ex

So why is it when everything is going good the shit has to hit the fan??? I got a message out of the blue tonight on facebook from a girl that was with Tyler before I got with him. She in fact sent me a nasty message from his account on the first night he stayed over saying I was a shady bitch and we deserved each other. I was livid and wanted answers. Regardless of what was going on sleeping with a man that is in a relationship or married is not my style. I was not going to be that girl!!!

The story I got from Tyler was that he had dated her for a few months till he found out that she was only 15 years old and called it off. He said she kept harassing him and had hacked in to his account. I believed him and never got another message from her and we went on to get married and have 2 babies. I just don't get it, why would any one think it's ok to message and friend request a man that you use to date that is married with kids and why the hell would you request his wife and then proceed to tell her how he cheated and she's ok with that. 

I swear this girl is 18 years old and needs to grow the fuck up, this is in no way good practice. I am a bit livid, I want to drive down there and kick her ass. Why does she think that after almost 3 years she needs to do this and bring this up? I am a pretty jealous person and I don't want some skank lying bitch messaging my husband. He is my husband, we are married and have kids and no were is she needed....

Just A Quick Hi....

 So this is my second go with a blog but I seem to have gotten locked out of my last one, I guess that is what I get for not using it for so long. Well I wanted to do an intro so that you all can get to know me so here goes nothing;

 Well I am a mother to 7 great children, 4 girls and 3 boys. I am 29 soon to be 30 here in a few days, eeekkkk that is scary to type out. Since the age of 14 I was in the same bad relationship with my ex husband. He was mentally, verbally and physically abusive and after 12 years I called it quits. It took a long time for me to realize that I was wasting my life in the wrong relationship and in a miserable marriage and I wanted to be happy for once.

I am semi crunchy, I am a bottomfeeding,. baby wearing, extended rear facing, circumcising, pro-choice, full vaxing, formula feeding, sposie using mama and I am happy with my choices. I spent so much of my life worrying what other people though of me that I gave up bits and pieces of myself along the way. I am slowly getting myself back but it is taking some time to be comfortable in my own skin. I am me and if you don't like it then you know where the un-follow button is, don't let the virtual door hit you in the ass on the way out!!!!

I have a wonderful husband, Tyler, and I could not have asked for a better man for me. He came around just when I needed him most and he is by far the love of my life. he works his ass off for us and treats us great. I don't fear him and I know that he would never hurt me. For me that is a big thing and I am glad that we found each other. I know he was sent to me for a reason and I cherish every second I have with him. He loves me for who I am and would never want me to change, he shows me every day that every single day.

I am a full time student and stay at home mom, it is hard work to say the least but I am loving every minute of it. Right now I am earning my General Education in Social Sciences majoring in Psychology. I am hoping to transfer to a 4 year university when I get done with my GE but for now I am working on getting my AA and then I will go from there. I hope some day to help others but as of yet I am still undecided as to what feild I wish to go in to when I graduate.

In my free time I love to relax with a good book, I love to crochet and am trying to learn how to knit and sew better. I love to be outdoors, going camping, fishing or just hiking. There is nothing like being outside on a nice cool day in California. I love the beach and the ocean and hope some day move closer. I love the snow also so this tends to be an issue with wanting to live near the beach. I was born and raised in California so I am pretty sure were not going anywhere anytime soon.

So that is about it, if there is anything else you would like to know feel free to ask, I don't bite much, I swear.